Sunday, June 21, 2009

Saying Good Bye is so very hard

My tears just won’t stop.

Our little Shillaleigh who we called “Bug” bounded into our lives and she has now left. My heart is broken. Bug was a wonderful friend, she worked hard, she played with great spirit and made it clear she loved you. She was our little princess, she was our little clown and she was in our lives for too short a time.

We had to send Shillaleigh on her way. Our little Bug who brought us so much joy also had a darker side, no matter how hard she tried to deny the urge she just couldn’t do it and for what ever reason she was wired to fight. It always came on fast, it even took trainers by surprise.. no sign, no warning.. just all fight. Very early in her life she picked and won a fight that she should not have.. and never backed down again. As time went on very few 4 legged friends were left unscarred. Our poor Barkley took the worst of it.

This weekend it became clear that even with all our work, hers and ours, this was just getting worse. She couldn’t live 24/7 in a muzzle or in her kennel and we couldn’t safely re-home her any where. Her last fight with Barkley had Steve caught in the middle and he ended up with both hands chewed up enough that a trip to the doctor was in order.

We gave her the best life we could, all be it short.

Bug and I choose each other 3 years ago, and yesterday I had to say Good Bye, from here on every tear I cry no matter what that tear is for a touch of sadness will be there for her. I stayed with her to the end, her last gaze was on me letting her hear and feel the love that I felt for her. I would not and did not leave until it was confirmed that she had gone.

I want her back... but I will wait, and the next time we play it will be with true abandon and joy. She loved me, she trusted me and I had to protect others from her and her from herself. I don’t think I will ever completely forgive myself for not finding another answer.

Shelia at The Spotted Spa has this “poem” on her website and it brings me some comfort.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...


The Weckstroms said...

Oh Susan, I'm so sorry. I know how much you loved her, and it's obvious by your blog that she loved you just as much. The words that you wrote, along with the poem, brought a tear to my eyes. Shane and I went through the same thing while we lived in Kelowna, with our cat. She was a little sweetheart, and we loved her dearly, but she was also wired to fight, and her attacks also came on suddenly. After trying every bit of advice we received from numerous vets, we ended up having to put her down after she attacked me quite severely (and suddently) one day. I empathize with your pain, and I'm sending lots of cyber hugs to you & Steve.

Picsie Chick said...

Susan, what a difficult time for you, but you did the right thing. Always know that.

There are so many furry friends for Bug to be with at the Rainbow Bridge. I've asked my special Yogi to give her a special welcome.

Hugs and butterflies,

Elizabeth Bradley said...

I'm so sorry to read about your ordeal. My husband and I had to go through a similar event about ten years ago. I bought a puppy from a kid outside a K-Mart and gave him to my husband for his birthday, he named him Hank. Hank loved us, and he loved OUR kids, but he was cross with others, and did not respond to training. It is a very hard thing to do, deciding to put an animal down that you love with all your heart. My thoughts are with you.